


Spirit Day

by Salope



Series: Friends with Benefits [7]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF
Genre: Costumes, F/F, FWB verse, Halloween, Lesbian AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:55:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27015340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salope/pseuds/Salope
Summary: Halloween means both treats and tricks.
Relationships: Nicky Doll/Jaida Essence Hall
Series: Friends with Benefits [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1931647
Comments: 32
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As promised, a Halloween fic! Although this has ended up being a lot more narrative plot than graveyard plot. It takes place in the prequel timeline in San Francisco. Nicky and Jaida have been an item for about two months, although what that item happens to be is up for debate.
> 
> * 1 Kudo = 1 Serotonin *

Jaida handed the last plate to Nicky and reached into the sudsy water to pull the plug from the sink. As Nicky dried it she watched Jaida tidy the rest of the kitchen. She never would have guessed it from their first night together, but it turned out the woman was a neat freak. Nicky would catch her straightening piles or putting things away constantly, and this wasn’t even her apartment. If it was a week night, they usually hung out here at the place Nicky shared with her two roommates. Since both of her friends had late evening shifts, it meant she and Jaida could have exclusive use of the big, cozy couch and tv. On the weekends, they stayed at Jaida’s so they could be just as naked and as loud as they pleased. 

Nicky closed the cabinet and put the towel away. As she started down the hallway to her bedroom, she called out to Jaida, “I’m going to change, you pick the movie.” 

Jaida had taken control of Nicky’s American media education for her own best interests. She could not take one more minute of Nicky’s “I Love Lucy” fixation. Something about that show just tickled the Frenchwoman’s funny bone but it made Jaida want to throw things. She had to admit though that Nicky pulling dorky-cute faces occasionally was at least one pleasant side-effect. Nicky’s stupid but sweet idea to adopt Lucy and Ethel as code names for kinky funtimes was another. Although Jaida did not understand why she was Ethel when clearly she was the funnier half of this couple. Whatever. She had decided to start Nicky on a course of slightly more recent fare. 

Nicky shuffled back into the living room in fuzzy purple slippers, bare legs and a Sleater-Kinney tee with at least three holes in it. Jaida considered that she found this almost as sexy as the black lace teddy Nicky had surprised her in a few weeks ago. Almost. Nicky picked up the edge of the blanket Jaida had tossed across herself and settled in, snuggling against Jaida’s side. 

Jaida flicked the remote at the tv. “Alright, tonight’s choice is between 80’s high school drama with ‘Pretty in Pink’ or late 90s high school drama with ‘Bring it On’.”

Nicky thought for a moment. She had become a big John Hughes fan, but the cover image for the other movie showed a lot more skin. “Hot girls in short skirts,” Nicky decided. Jaida couldn’t argue and pressed play. 

——

“That was so gay,” Nicky declared as the credits rolled. “Missy was totally a lesbian right?”

“I mean, probably as much as they could make her when this was filmed,” Jaida responded, stretching and sliding her leg out from under Nicky where it had gone to sleep.

“And Torrence definitely had the hots for her,” Nicky continued sprawling herself across Jaida and pinning her to the couch. “Although with Gabrielle Union right there too, it’s a hard choice.”

“All I know is we’re watching ‘But I’m a Cheerleader’ tomorrow,” Jaida said, yawning and nuzzling her cheek against Nicky’s soft blonde hair, its warm honey scent making her drowsy. 

“We’re also going down to Haight to find costumes,” Nicky reminded her, “the party is Saturday.”

“Right,” Jaida answered with what she hoped sounded like enthusiasm. Nicky was growing heavy against her and barely registered her response anyway. “We’re crashing on the couch again then?” Jaida asked, already surrendered to the idea. 

“Mmmph,” was Nicky’s barely audible reply. “Kristin will wake us up in an hour anyway.”

Jaida turned off the tv, plunging the room into semi-darkness and pulled the blanket in closer. 

——

“Welcome to heaven,” Nicky announced as she held open the door to the vintage store, letting Jaida through. 

“Girl, why does heaven smell like my great auntie’s closet?” Jaida asked, wrinkling her nose.

“Okay,” Nicky acquiesced as she followed her inside, “so anything you buy may need a good dry cleaning, but you can score some great finds here.”

Jaida held up a garish plaid suit jacket and raised an eyebrow sharply. 

“Bitch you loved that little Dior dress I wore to dinner last week!” Nicky admonished. 

“Oh yeah... that was... stunning,” Jaida agreed. Nicky nodded and smiled.

“Come on,” Nicky said, grasping Jaida’s hand, “the costumey stuff is further back.”

They rummaged through racks and bins in a quest for anything that would make a fun costume. Jaida ventured into a dimly lit alcove at the back of the shop. It appeared to be mostly furniture and lots of random art hanging on the walls—old advertising posters, terrible paintings and the like. There didn’t seem to be any clothing racks in here so she turned to leave. That’s when she saw it, hanging next to the doorway she’d come in through. It was one of those velvet paintings that defined artistic excellence in the 70s. The image was of a large leopard, it’s mouth open in a silent roar. Sitting next to the cat, her naked back to the viewer, was Nicky. Okay, not exactly Nicky, but the Playboy full-hipped version of her. The face was just plain eerie though. Jaida was checking the price tag when she heard a shriek from the other room. 

“Ohmygod! Jaida! Jaida I found them!!” Nicky squealed. 

Jaida emerged back out into the brighter main space, blinking, to see Nicky eagerly bouncing on her heels. She held a hanger dangling from each hand. On both of them hung a two-piece cheerleading outfit. One was green, the other red. Jaida let out a low whistle. “Those are hot.”

“Seriously?” Nicky sighed in exasperation. She thrust the green one at Jaida and held the red one up to herself. “You’re Isis! I’m Torrance!”

Realization dawned as Jaida took the uniform from Nicky. “Holy shit... this is just too fucking good.”

“I know! I know!” Nicky declared, an excited grin spreading across her face. “Come on,” she said gleefully as she turned to head for the changing rooms, “let’s try them on!”

Several minutes later they both stood in front of the huge dusty mirror at the back of the store. Nicky smoothed her hand down the flounces of the skirt which fit perfectly. She would have to stuff her bra to make the top fit, but that would be amusing. Jaida’s top fit perfectly. The skirt, however was rather loose around her narrow hips. Nicky stepped behind her and pulled it tight so Jaida could appreciate how it would look. 

“I’ll just take this to my seamstress and she can re-size it perfectly,” Nicky offered. Still holding the fabric, she tugged Jaida back against her. “I’m not going to be able to keep my hands off of you all night, you’ll look so sexy.” Nicky whispered in her ear. 

Jaida laughed as she made eye contact with Nicky in the mirror. “You do realize we’re the embodiment of like every horny teen lesbian’s fantasy?”

“Good thing there will be a lot of still horny, formerly teen lesbians at this party then,” Nicky kissed the nape of her neck and stepped back. “Let’s go buy these and get home. I’ll need you to try this on again. So you know, I can size it for you.”

“That the only reason?” Jaida asked with a smirk. 

“Not at all,” Nicky replied, batting her lashes and pushing Jaida back to the changing room.


	2. Chapter 2

"A little higher," Lisa called out to Nicky, who was perched at the top of a ladder hanging the last piece of cobweb from a beam. "That looks good, hand her the thumbtack Jai."

Jaida was currently occupied.

"Jaida!" Lisa shouted, "Quit staring up ya girl's skirt and hand her the thumbtack for fuck sake!"

Jaida groaned and reached for the little cardboard box, tearing herself away from the vision of Nicky's ass beneath the little pleated skirt. Maybe if she'd worn something other than a thong Jaida might have stood a chance. It had been Nicky's idea to get changed into their costumes early so they could help out with last minute preparations. Nicky's seamstress had altered Jaida's uniform perfectly and, she had to admit, she actually enjoyed having a comfortable Halloween look for once. It wasn't that far off from her tennis uniform really. Nicky had borrowed one of Jaida's bras and smushed almost an entire box of tissues in the cups to fill out her halter top. The effect was disorienting. Jaida would be the first to sing the praises of Nicky's sweet little tits, but this busty blonde look was seriously killing her.

Jaida was snapped out of her reverie by Nicky's hand swatting at her from above. She grabbed it and popped the tack carefully into her palm.

"Great, I think we're pretty much done here," Lisa determined as she gathered up the detritus from all of the decorations they'd spent the last half hour placing around the loft.

Nicky began descending the ladder. A few rungs from the bottom, she looked over her shoulder at Jaida who was holding it steady. Nicky made to lean back and called out to the woman below her, "Catch me!"

"Wait! What? NO!!" Jaida panicked. Nicky's peal of laughter broke through her momentary terror. "Bitch... don't even try that!" Jaida warned. "You know I'd do it and we'd both die trying."

Nicky stepped down onto the floor. "Aww, you're sweet..." she smiled giving Jaida a peck on the cheek.

"Knock if off you two!" Lisa yelled from the kitchen. "There's already enough sickeningly sweet stuff in this place." She poured a massive bargain bag of assorted candy into a large plastic pumpkin with a flourish.

\----

The party had initially gotten off to a slow start, but as more of their friends got off their work shifts and arrived, the space filled up rapidly. A scantily clad devil was dancing with some IT nerd in the living room, who might have just been one of Jaida's colleagues. The entire Scooby Gang was hanging out by the punch bowl, including one dude dressed as Scooby Doo that Nicky was pretty sure was in actuality a furry. A number of their friends had come in drag, and a particularly studly quaterback was leaving Nicky a little bit hot and bothered. Must be the cheer uniform she surmised, does things to a girl. There was one person she kept scanning the crowd for, but they apparently hadn't arrived yet.

Nicky headed into the kitchen in search of snacks. Dinner had been ages ago and she needed to keep something in her stomach if she didn't want to end up completely smashed this early in the evening. She was shoveling popcorn into her face when she heard a familiar voice rounding the corner.

"Alice!" Nicky shouted with glee. "Oh my god you are actually Alice! That's adorable!" Alice grinned and did a little spin showing off the pale blue dress and pinafore she'd whipped up. 

"And look at you!" Alice eyed Nicky's ensemble from her sneakers to the top of her shiny ponytail. "Are you supposed to be my high school wet dream?" Alice joked.

Nicky smirked and shimmied her hips. "Actually this is Jaida's fault. We watched 'Bring It On' last week and I was lucky enough to find these at that place over on Haight." 

"I get it, you're Torrance. So... Jaida is Isis?" Alice asked and Nicky nodded, her ponytail bouncing. "I didn't have you two at the couples costume stage yet," Alice said as she refilled her drink. 

"Ah well, yeah..." Nicky replied, "I mean we aren't exactly a couple, but this was just too good to pass up, you know?" Alice nodded and took a sip.

"Have you seen Rock yet?" Nicky asked, quickly changing the subject, "She said to keep an eye out for her and I assume she's got some fantastic anime inspired look that she's putting the final touches on." Alice shook her head, popping a peanut butter cup in her mouth.

\----

Nicky headed back out into the din of the party. One of their friends was DJing and the living room had turned into the smallest and gayest club on the block. People were dancing in groups and pairs that looked like the result of a random word generator. Nicky's buzz had reached that level where joinging the sweaty throng to dance to Rhianna with a Lego robot seemed like the absolute best possible way to spend the evening. She made her way into the heaving mass of people and things, bouncing along while being careful not to slosh the contents of her plastic cup. 

As she drunkenly mouthed the words to 'Only Girl in the World' she caught the eye of the football player she's spied earlier. The quarterback noticed her too and shoved a tipsy Sonny and Cher out of the way to reach her. Nicky struck a coy pose and batted her fake lashes in the player's direction. They approached slowly doing a hilariously bad endzone dance. It dawned slowly on Nicky just who this was, and when she caught sight of the mischeivously sparkling eyes beneath the helmet, she threw her head back and laughed. 

"Rock! Never in a million fucking years..." she crowed.

"I know!" Rock shouted gleefully. "Halloween is like the chance to subvert everyone's expectations right? So here I am, a jock in a jock!" she grinned, grabbing her package and thrusting her hips.

Nicky howled and pulled Rock in closer. "Dance with me handsome!" she demanded.

They swayed together in a hilarious parody of horny teenagers at a school dance. Nicky threw her leg up over Rock's hip and Rock grabbed a handful of skirt-covered ass. "I'd love to get into your endzone!" Rock quipped and Nicky shook her head with a laugh.

Several people dancing nearby began to cheer them on. As space opened up a bit, Nicky heard someone clear their throat loudly behind her. She spun in Rock's arms so the other woman was pressed to her back, and came face to face with Jaida, her arms crossed and one eyebrow raised to the heavens. Some whoops and howls rose from the people nearby. Nicky slid Rock's hands down from her shoulders to her hips, then reached her own arms out to Jaida. Jaida waited a beat, then shook her head with a naughty smile and stepped forward. Nicky pulled her into an embrace so she was sandwiched delightfully between her two friends. 

The crowd around them was getting feisty as well, and she heard at least one person call out, "get it girl!" Jaida moved in closer, bringing Nicky's hips into contact with her own. She smiled over Nicky's shoulder at Rock, who reached around with one hand to grasp Jaida's hip. The move pressed Nicky tightly between their grinding pelvises. Nicky yelped in surprise as she realized that Rock had fully committed to this look and was packing more than a little something in her jock strap. Nicky pushed back into it, pressing the solid length against herself and riding it. Her head fell to rest on Jaida's shoulder. Jaida knew without question what it was that had made Nicky melt so fast. 

"Let's give 'em something to talk about baby..." Jaida whispered. She gathered Nicky's skirt in her hands and hauled it up a bit. Rock caught on and began exaggeratedly thrusting against her from behind. Nicky whined into Jaida's ear. Taking pity on her, Jaida captured Nicky's lips in a sloppy kiss that sent the crowd into a frenzy. Jaida wasn't entirely sure if those around them were at all aware of just how little of Nicky's reaction was for show.

\----

Alice sipped distractedly from her punch as she watched the little scandal unfold. Cursing softly under her breath, she set down her cup and headed for the bathroom down the hallway. There were already two people waiting outside. She stood there for a moment, then turned and walked into Nicky's bedroom. She knew Nicky had her own bathroom, and while it was generally off limits at parties, she was hardly the general public. As she walked past Nicky's desk, a black notebook caught her eye. She recognized it instantly as Nicky's journal. Pausing to check the door, Alice carefully flipped it open to the most recent entries. It was entirely in French, and essentially unintelligble to her, but she could read the name that appeared several times on the open pages: ‘Jaida’. Reaching into her bra, she pulled out her cell phone and quickly snapped a pic. She carefully closed the book again and ducked into the bathroom.

Alice had just finished washing her hands and was drying them on a fluffy pink towel when she heard voices outside in the bedroom.

"Please..." she heard Nicky implore desperately, with a whine that Alice was all too familiar with.

This was followed by a low growl and the words, "No hunk in a helmet is ever going to give it to you as good as I do..." 

_Jaida._ Alice rolled her eyes. 

As she listened to Nicky moan loudly, Alice realized with horror that she was now a captive audience to the passion play unfolding just outside the bathroom door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PSA: Jaida gets up to some questionable behavior at the end of this chapter. Consent is always important with any activity that involves someone else’s body.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's your piece of Halloween candy.  
> For those who like the desperate and possessive flavors that is.

"Let's give 'em something to talk about baby..." Jaida whispered in Nicky's ear. The part of Nicky's mind that still cared about such things was well aware that they were surrounded by other people. The rest of it, at the moment, did not really fucking care. She smothered a giggle in Jaida's shoulder as Rock bounced haphazardly a few times behind her. Their menage a trois came to an abrupt end, however, as the unmistakable synth chords of 'Thriller' suddenly filled the space. 

"Oh my god!" Rock shreiked, pulling away and striking a pose. Within moments, they were surrounded by a sea of people twitiching, sliding and prancing in terrifying unison. Nicky looked at Jaida in utter dismay and Jaida laughed, then nodded her head toward the back hallway. Nicky took Jaida's hand in hers and wove their way through the throng of gyrating zombies.

When they had reached her bedroom, Nicky stopped. Leaning back into the door frame, she pulled Jaida to her. Nicky wrapped her arms around Jaida's shoulders and waist, connecting their bodies together from knees to forehead. The crush of Jaida's breasts against her own over-stuffed bra made Nicky giggle, but the sounds were quickly swallowed by Jaida's hot mouth, pressed open and passionate to hers. Jaida licked along Nicky's full lower lip, drawing it between hers and Nicky slipped her tongue out to slide against and tease Jaida's. When Nicky sighed, Jaida's tongue quickly possessed her mouth, stealing her breath. Jaida's thigh pushed up roughly between Nicky's legs until Jaida could feel the damp heat of Nicky's thong pressed against her bare skin. Nicky spread wider to give Jaida better access and found herself suddenly balanced on tip toes, pinned in the doorway.

"This is mine to play with," Jaida hissed quietly as she applied delicious pressure to Nicky's cunt.

Nicky twisted helplessly against Jaida and whined, "Please!"

"No hunk in a helmet is ever going to give it to you as good as I do," Jaida growled as Nicky rocked against her.

Desperate for more, Nicky pushed off from the door frame, propelling them stumbling in the direction of the bed. They tumbled onto it and Jaida immediately pulled Nicky on top of her. Nicky straddled Jaida's left thigh and sat up. Her icy eyes burned bright in the dim light as she gazed down at the woman who understood the depths of her hunger. She started to grind her hips forcefully into Jaida's as she pushed her hands up Jaida's torso to palm and squeeze her breasts. Jaida arched up into her rough touch, groaning. Her hands flew to Nicky's hips, locking them tightly to hers. Nicky tossed her head back and began to ride Jaida's taut thigh, her swollen bottom lip caught between her teeth and her eyes squeezed shut.

"Get yourself off like this baby. Show me how good I make you feel," Jaida demanded, watching Nicky writhe above her.

Nicky let out a high keening whimper as she worked her clit against the crest of Jaida's hip bone. The soaked fabric of her thong providing almost enough friction to get herself there. Leaning forward, she tried to improve the angle, her hands landing either side of Jaida's head as she desperately chased her orgasm. Eventually she let out a broken cry of frustration, her efforts just not quite enough to drive herself over the edge.

"Come on," Jaida pushed her, "do this for me." Her firm command belied by the tremor of desire in her voice. She squeezed Nicky's ass hard, her nails digging in and causing small pricks of pain.

Nicky whined, "I need..." her voice cracking.

"You need what baby?" Jaida asked, reaching up to press a hand to her lower back. "Whatever you want, it's yours."

Nicky locked eyes with Jaida, tongue-tied and begging for release. Seconds later, a loud crack echoed in the room as the palm of Jaida's hand connected with the flesh of Nicky's ass. The second impact was followed by a scream as Nicky slammed headlong into her climax. She gripped fistfuls of quilt as her hips shuddered against Jaida's and her breath came in short sharp gasps. 

As she slowly returned to herself, Nicky settled bonelessly atop the solid, warm body beneath her. Jaida soothingly ran her hands up and down the backs of Nicky's thighs. 

"There it is," she whispered as Nicky ghosted kisses along the side of Jaida's neck, her warm breath making Jaida shiver.

"Let's go back to mine, yeah?" Jaida asked, holding Nicky close and kissing her jaw. "I want to make you scream again and, while it's Halloween, I don't actually wanna scare anyone."

Nicky let out an embarrassed groan and kissed the corner of Jaida's wicked smile. "I love you so fucking much," she declared with a sigh.

\----

Alice stood silently in the darkness of the bathroom as she listened to the lovers getting up to leave. Embarrassment, envy, frustration, lust all battled for primacy of emotion inside her as she waited for the sound of the bedroom door to close. Only then did she cautiously crack open the door from the bathroom. The sole evidence of the fevered scene she'd just witnessed was the disarrayed quilt on the top of Nicky's bed. It was enough to twist the knife in her gut again. What she would have given to hear Nicky say those words when the two of them had lain in that very spot, naked and hazy with intimacy. Alice felt tears prick the corners of her eyes. Wrenching the door out of the bedroom open, she stumbled into the hallway. The incongruously joyful sounds of the party jolted her back. She took several deep breaths and carefully smoothed the short skirt of her dress into place. The night was still young and there had to be some blonde with an achingly beautiful smile here that she could take home to fuck her until she could forget.


	4. Chapter 4

Jaida busied herself fixing tea while Nicky was in the shower.

"Shit!" she yelled as a few drops of the boiling water splashed onto her arm. The hand holding the kettle was shaking slightly so she set it back down and went to get the toast from the toaster. She set the stack of golden slices on the table with some butter and jam, and very carefully set the two steaming mugs at chairs opposite one another. Nicky's idea of breakfast was a smoke and coffee so strong it made Jaida wince, but she'd become sucessful at getting Nicky to actually eat something in the morning.

As she heard the shower shut off, she dropped tea bags into the mugs and sat down. She was pulling absently at the fringe on the placemat when Nicky rounded the corner, her hair falling in unkempt waves and one of Jaida's tees clinging to her damp skin in ways Jaida tried not to find distracting.

"Hey you," Nicky said looking at Jaida with a half smile, "Your head okay?" Jaida realized her forehead was propped in her other hand and raised her head to smile back.

"I'll live," she replied. "Did you find the bottle of Advil in the cabinet?"

"Yes, thank you," Nicky nodded, "and thanks for this. We could have just gone to the place around the corner you know?"

"Yeah, I know," Jaida answered, "but I wanted to talk with you and I'd rather do that here."

"That sounds serious..." Nicky said as she slid into the chair opposite Jaida. She dipped the tea bag a few times and then carefully set it on the saucer as Jaida gathered her thoughts.

"I'm not proud of who I was last night," Jaida began and Nicky looked up. She kept silent as Jaida stirred a spoon slowly in her mug. "I projected things onto you that I had absolutely no business doing. It made me cross a line that I deeply regret, and I’m sorry."

Nicky shook her head slowly. "You didn't do anything that I didn't let you do Jaida, you have to know that."

Jaida took the spoon from her mug and set it down on the table. She sat back in her chair, leaving her tea untouched.

"Jaida, please don't beat yourself up over this," Nicky said softly, "We were both acting stupid and I'm very sorry for whatever part I played that makes you feel this way."

Jaida turned to look at the window which was half-frosted with condensation, turning the world outside into tiny fractals. She waited until she had taken several even breaths before she turned back to look at Nicky and continue.

"I've told you that when I left Chicago I walked away from an incredibly difficult relationship." Jaida felt a cork loosening somewhere inside. She hoped it wouldn't make too much mess. "I left that relationship scattered in charred pieces around a city that I love deeply, hoping someday I can go back and the traces will only be dust and ash."

Nicky shifted in her seat. Her instinct was to reach out for the hand Jaida had sitting on the table, toying with her spoon, but she wasn't sure physical contact would be appreciated right now, so she held her mug tightly.

Jaida bowed her head and continued, "But I was incredibly naive to think that there are aren't still embers of it here, in me, that will be with me wherever I go."

"I am so sorry Jaida..." Nicky whispered. She'd developed some sense of just how deep Jaida's heartbreak went, but Jaida shied away from it like someone had touched a barely healed wound any time it came up. Nicky watched Jaida tip her head back, eyes blinking as she forced herself to look at the scar.

"She swept me off my feet, Nicky--she made me proud to love her, to be loved by her." The catch in Jaida's voice made Nicky's throat tighten.

Jaida swallowed hard. "She was the first woman I ever brought home to my family, and that's a whole story for another time."

Nicky felt a tear spill over her lashes and she swiped at it angrily with the back of her hand. She had no right to be the one crying here.

Jaida was now staring absently at her rapidly cooling mug as she went on. "But I started to realize we'd somehow ended up with scripts to completely different movies... that while mine might be a romance, her's was a black comedy, a farce." Jaida stifled the sob that threatened to derail her. "When she asked, I gave her my heart like it was a ring from Tiffany. And she took it off and left on the bureau every time she fucked someone else behind my back."

Nicky could take no more and shoved her chair back. She crossed the few steps to Jaida and placed a hand carefully on her head. When Jaida didn't pull away she pressed it gently to her stomach and held her there for a moment. The clock on the wall ticked loudly in the silence that was't really silence at all,

"I shouldn't have pulled you into that stupidity last night," Nicky said quietly.

Jaida tipped her head up to look squarely at Nicky. "It's not you baby, don't even think that." she said firmly, "You should be free to act a hoe with whoever you damn well please. I have no claim on you..."

Nicky let out a harsh laugh and Jaida smiled awkwardly. Releasing her, Nicky stepped back to lean against the refrigerator. Jaida's eyes wandered over her and Nicky felt like she was being looked at by another person.

"I never expected to meet someone like you so quickly," Jaida said wonderingly. "I mean, Lisa did tell me she had a real cute friend who might like to play... take my mind off things." Nicky blushed and was suddenly grateful for the cool metal surface behind her.

"She neglected to mention you're also caring, witty, challenging and sometimes kick when you're dreaming." Nicky's mouth fell open and she huffed indignantly, a half smile betraying her.

Jaida shook her head and closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them again, Nicky could see the tide of pain subsiding. Jaida picked up her mug of lukewarm tea and took a sip. Nicky's stomach growled and she realized the stack of toast was still sitting uneaten in the center of the table. She took her seat again and grabbed two slices, slathering one with butter and the other with raspberry jam. She put the buttered slice on a napkin and slid it across the table to Jaida. They both ate quietly for a bit, taking inventory of the other small aches and pains the night had wrought.

When Jaida had finished two pieces, she picked up the conversation again.

"Do I still have feelings for her?" Jaida posed the unspoken question. It wasn't rhetorical, she asked it of herself often. Nicky slowly chewed her last bite as she waited for Jaida's answer.

"Yes... of course I do," she admitted, "but not in that way." Nicky swallowed.

"I have feelings for what we could have had, and I probably always will," Jaida explained.

Her plate empty and her tea gone cold, Nicky found herself at a loss for what to do with her hands. She reached out to put the lid back on the jam jar, but Jaida intercepted her, grasping her hand firmly in her own. Jaida waited until Nicky made eye contact with her before continuing.

"What I know for certain is that right now," Jaida lowered their joined hands to the table, "what I have to offer you is not even close to everything that you deserve." Jaida felt Nicky's hand tense in hers. "And that what I want from you is more than I have any right to be asking at this point."

Jaida watched Nicky closely as she gathered Jaida's thoughts together with her own. Nicky was careful with her words. Jaida supposed it came from having to spend most of her day translating between the language she formed her thoughts in and the one she had to use to express herself. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to move so far from everything you knew to start a new life in a new culture. Jaida had used this understanding as an excuse to avoid taking Nicky's words last night at face value. Somehow, if Nicky had said them in French, Jaida supposed she would have felt them differently. Nicky took a deep breath and Jaida gave her full attention.

"I came here to challenge myself," Nicky said plainly, "to grow beyond the narrow expectations I had set for my life." Jaida squeezed her hand gently.

"I'm learning new ways of loving and being loved," Nicky explained. "I'm learning that seeking all of the things I might want and need in the same place can limit the joy I let into my life." Jaida stroked her thumb along the back of Nicky's hand.

"I don't know what our path forward looks like," Nicky sighed, "all I know is that I want you there in whatever way you're willing to join me."

Jaida could see the breath Nicky took in and held. Jaida hadn't yet decided herself what that would look like, but she had reached the same conclusion.

"I want that too," Jaida assured her. Nicky let out a nervous laugh.

"Look at us having mature conversations while all those losers from last night are still hungover in their beds!" Jaida joked. Nicky laughed harder and more genuinely, and Jaida felt that loosening cork again, but this time it unleashed a full measure of happiness and she knew that whatever lay ahead there would always be something that she could call 'us'.

\----

On the other side of town, Alice gathered her shoes from the floor of the bedroom in an unfamiliar apartment. She was no stranger to slipping out in the early morning, in fact she preferred it, but she generally wasn't doing it in a campy costume. She let herself out the front door and took the stairs down to the street. A cab arrived with merciful speed and she climbed in, giving the driver directions to her building. 

As the cool grey city on the first day of November sped by out the window, she pulled her phone from her purse. A few texts from friends last night asking her to meet them at various other parties or bars, showing off their costumes. She clicked into her camera roll, flipping through the various smiling faces and drunken antics. At the end, she came across a photo of lined notebook paper covered in handwriting. She felt the sting of her pettiness hit her like a sharp whip crack as she stared at the indecipherable page. Nicky had moved on. She knew that unequivocally now. 

As she cradled the phone in her hands she considered that reading this, no matter how burning her curiosity, could only be a source of unnecessary pain. If she wanted to repair her friendship with Nicky, there was only one option. Selecting the photo, Alice clicked _delete_. 

\----

_29 Octobre_

  
_Jaida me fait ressentir des choses dont je n'avais aucune idée dont j'étais capable. Je ne peux pas expliquer comment ni pourquoi, mais je lui fais confiance pour savoir des choses ... pour faire des choses ... que personne d'autre ne fait. Puis-je lui faire confiance avec mon cœur? Jaida se sent comme "home" d'une manière que rien ni personne d'autre n'a depuis que j'ai déménagé ici. C'est à la fois puissant et addictif. Mais cela me fait aussi peur. Si je la perds ... tout ce que je sais, c'est que je ne pourrai plus redevenir seule. Je ne sais pas ce que je veux, tout ce que je sais, c'est que je la veux ici, maintenant. Peut-être toujours._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for joining me on this little rollercoaster. Quite a few of you had wondered just how current Jaida and Nicky got where they are today. This is only the start of that story. I expect to add more, but we'll be going back to the present day for a bit next.


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